So, if someone says “You have just called me a bad person!” that would be an example of reacting with an expression of offense? And it should be discouraged by downvoting?
Disregard the exclamation point, and that’s just a statement of (possibly incorrect, but objectively discussable) fact, and so long as the person doesn’t object to it being handled as such, I think it’d be okay. I’d even consider ‘you have just called me a bad person, and I feel offended’ to be okay if handled as a fact; as far as I can tell, the situation turns problematic when people start handling emotions as problems to be solved rather than facts to be observed. This does intentionally imply that the problem can be caused by any member of the conversation: If I say I’m offended, and don’t intend that to be taken as anything but an observation, but the person I’m talking to takes it upon themselves to try to un-offend me, that’s also likely to derail the conversation, as is a third party trying to force the offender to un-offend me.
(That’s not to say that it’s never useful to try to avoid offending someone, but such situations also seem to work best when they’re primarily handled on a fact-based level. For example, someone can say ‘I find it very distracting when I’m offended, which will happen if this topic is discussed in that way; could we discuss it in this way instead? Otherwise, I’ll have a hard time contributing and may decide to leave the conversation’, and the answer to that can be yes or no depending on whether the other people in the conversation think that the change is worthwhile.)
He didn’t say should, he said ‘he will’. This is a distinction that is sometimes overlooked. Even though there was a clear should claim regarding the the practice of expressing offence.
Oops. I actually deleted the ‘good point’ because in this context there were multiple different levels of potential exhortation, normative assertion, statement of intended response and normative assertion regarding how other people should respond that could have been mixed and matched. I thought technical comments on the difference on “should be” and “I will” may have just been confusing.
So, if someone says “You have just called me a bad person!” that would be an example of reacting with an expression of offense? And it should be discouraged by downvoting?
Disregard the exclamation point, and that’s just a statement of (possibly incorrect, but objectively discussable) fact, and so long as the person doesn’t object to it being handled as such, I think it’d be okay. I’d even consider ‘you have just called me a bad person, and I feel offended’ to be okay if handled as a fact; as far as I can tell, the situation turns problematic when people start handling emotions as problems to be solved rather than facts to be observed. This does intentionally imply that the problem can be caused by any member of the conversation: If I say I’m offended, and don’t intend that to be taken as anything but an observation, but the person I’m talking to takes it upon themselves to try to un-offend me, that’s also likely to derail the conversation, as is a third party trying to force the offender to un-offend me.
(That’s not to say that it’s never useful to try to avoid offending someone, but such situations also seem to work best when they’re primarily handled on a fact-based level. For example, someone can say ‘I find it very distracting when I’m offended, which will happen if this topic is discussed in that way; could we discuss it in this way instead? Otherwise, I’ll have a hard time contributing and may decide to leave the conversation’, and the answer to that can be yes or no depending on whether the other people in the conversation think that the change is worthwhile.)
He didn’t say should, he said ‘he will’. This is a distinction that is sometimes overlooked. Even though there was a clear should claim regarding the the practice of expressing offence.
Good point.
Oops. I actually deleted the ‘good point’ because in this context there were multiple different levels of potential exhortation, normative assertion, statement of intended response and normative assertion regarding how other people should respond that could have been mixed and matched. I thought technical comments on the difference on “should be” and “I will” may have just been confusing.
No problem. I’ll just delete my compliment. ;)
Bother. I like being complimented! :)
Well then, let me know the next time you delete one of your comments, and I will compliment it.